I must confess, for me this was the most difficult of our team's values to review.

For some, joy is such a prominent and essential part of their daily lives. But I find it rather elusive in the busyness of my life. Days, weeks, months fly by and my emotions can become suppressed by the technical demands of work.

When I start to feel an emotional disconnection, my world can appear colored in bland grays rather than vivid Technicolor. I can assure you that, even when having my hands and head fully engaged, leaving my heart behind just does not satisfy.

So, of all our team's values, Joy continues to be my greatest challenge.

What is joy?

It's an approach, as The American Heritage Dictionary describes as “having a hearty and carefree enjoyment of life.” It's an emotive state – an attitude that's oriented towards happiness. The French capture the essence of it with the term “joie de vivre” – a joy of life.

We all know people who are gifted with such joy. It's as if they're pre-wired for happiness – living their lives in constant sunshine. While they continually see the silver lining in every cloud, others amongst us lead a gloomier existence closer to the edge of darkness. It's a matter of one's definining mood.

Finding Joy:
In his book Fun is Good , Mike Veek states, "Somehow in our haste to seize the American dream, we've sucked the fun, passion, and creativity out of the workplace. That's why so many people say that work sucks. Fun isn't just good; it's a necessity. If you're not having fun, it's nearly impossible to project the upbeat, positive attitude necessary to service clients effectively."

Swiss psychoanalyst Verena Kast maintains that our culture spends far too much time exploring anxiety, depression, and anger, and not enough time exploring joy and hope.

Joy is something we feel on the inside, but too many of us are passively waiting for outside circumstances and other people to bring us joy. Even when the right circumstances appear – a promotion, a raise, a new car, etc. - unless joy has been a daily habit, it may completely elude us.

There are two primary sources of joy, external and internal.

External joy depends on the right circumstances. We have partial control, as in climb a mountain and feel the joy of reaching the top. But when circumstances change, this joy is gone. Some people perpetually chase after this type of joy – “doing joy” by doing whatever they believe will bring more of it. Like happiness, chasing after joy can make it that much harder to obtain.

Internal joy is different. It's an attitude. We can choose this joy, and we can access it anytime we like.

Chris Alexander states, “Joy rarely just leaps into your arms shouting, "Take me, I'm yours!" Moments of pleasure or happiness often come unexpectedly; they are things that "happen to us." Extraordinary joy is an intention and a way of life. If happiness falls like an occasional rain shower on our heads, joy is a stream rushing past us. Any time we are conscious of joy, we can dip our hands into it, splash it on our faces, and revel in its freshness.”

Some would say this internal joy is true joy - an active creation of delight and pleasure. Such joy washes over us when we live in the moment, opening the door to inspiration and meaning. Such joy empowers and enables us to look to the future with hope rather than anxiety.

“Joy is out there, waiting for all of us . We can't get every job we want or every home we like. We certainly can't get every family member to behave, and rarely have I been on a vacation that looked like the photograph in the brochure. But we can open ourselves to the joy that lives within each of us. Perhaps the hardest part is recognizing our own joy and giving it room to grow. Make room.”
-Rev. Sharon Dittmar

Happy Brains:
Well known psychologist Dr. Jill Ammon-Wexler states, “Modern neuroscience has identified the portion of the brain that maintains our self-concept. It's the frontal lobe of the cortex located right behind your forehead.

“Interestingly, the frontal lobe is also the crossroad of your brain's emotional centers. Modern EEG studies have shown that negative emotions such as fear and anger register in the right portion of your frontal lobe. Positive emotions such as happiness, on the other hand, activate your left frontal lobe.

“So what? Some people are born having a naturally low activation of their left frontal lobe - the happy emotions part of their brain. And as you might predict, these folks tend to be committed realists. They are self-judging, and frequently have less success achieving their goals. If this is you - you may also have been labeled shy or withdrawn as a child.”

Self Programming:
NLP, or Neuro-linguistic Programming is the process of building pathways in our brains. Interestingly, habitual thinking & emotional patterns reinforce neural pathways. What that means is that what we practice, we literally reinforce inside our brains.

So, our habits gradually shape us inside and out. And this applies to positive emotions such as joy. If we wait until we get to the proverbial mountain peak before we allows ourselves to feel joy, we'll cheat ourselves. We probably won't feel anything but tired and numb.

To get more of whatever we want in life, we need to practice it each day. That way, we can gradually turn an obscure footpath to joy into a super-highway.

Joyful Qualities:

Proactive: Joyful people don't wait for happiness to come to them. They keep doing the many little things that increase their positive emotions.For instance, they smile and laugh a lot. They don't wait for others to make the first move when it comes to putting a happy face on.

Denise Bissonnette writes, “Grace, beauty and wonder are carried on the winds of our everyday lives… We need not strive or search for these qualities; we must cultivate a greater capacity to receive them in and through our most common experiences.”

Optimism: Joyful people have an abundance of optimism – an unshakeable sunny disposition.

Consider this illustration from www.geekculture.com :

OK, perhaps Mr. Positive is a little over the top.

Dr. Jill Ammon-Wexler states, “ The healthiest, happiest, most unlimited people I've known are actually totally unrealistic about their self-concepts. In short - they have what realists would call unrealistically optimistic illusions about their own capabilities and potential.

“When they take psychological tests, these unrealistically optimistic people consistently do several things:

“Having an exaggerated view of your abilities and potential can be better for your mental well-being than being realistic about your personal limitations. Actually - having unrealistically high optimism about yourself tends to increase your motivation and persistence. And it therefore also increases the probability you'll achieve your goals. And this obviously leads to more satisfying life experiences.”

Contentment: Peace of mind is a valuable thing. Joyful people feel good about life. And it really doesn't take much to make them happy. They find happiness in simple things.

Many of us set the bar far too high before we allow ourselves to be happy. “I'll be happy when…” is an all too common formula for discontent.

Are you achieving to be happy, or happily achieving? There's a world of difference between those. If you don't feel happy about things today, you're not likely to feel much better when you reach whatever destination you seak.

Connected: We're very social creatures and joyful people remain connected to others in positive ways. Joy doesn't happen in isolation.

Joyful people also stay connected to the best in themselves. Their upbeat attitude ensures they show up ready to play their best game. A sour attitude is not compatible with high performance.

Tolerance: Some people are very sensitive and emotionally volatile. They react far more strongly to negative outside influences and live in continual drama.

Joyful people are tempered towards the positive. They emphasize the good and don't react so dramatically to the negative.

Joyful people can also endure more than most. Life's storms don't tend to capsize these people. They can handle adversity and bounce back from it more quickly.

Productive: You can get a lot more done when you're energetic and optimistic. And joyful people like how good taking action makes them feel.

A joyful coach potato is an unlikely combo.

Resilient: Joyful people have positive expectations and see adversity as merely a temporary setback.

Dr. Mark Katz is a clinical psychologist who writes about nurturing resiliency in children. One of his books is called "On Playing a Poor Hand Well."

Dr. Katz states, “Robert Louis Stevenson once said, "Life is not so much a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well." If we learn that bad things that are happening to us - the adversities that we have to endure. If we come to believe that those adversities are permanent, in other words, they'll never end. And that they're pervasive. They're not just bad here, they're bad everywhere. They're not just bad a home, they're bad at school. And that they're personal. They're bad because of me. If we come to believe that adversities are permanent, pervasive and personal, that really renders us susceptible to a lot of bad things. A lot of potential psychological problems, depression, despair, hopelessness. We're more likely to give up, and it'll effect us in the workplace decades later. It'll weaken our immune systems."

Emotional Intelligence: There are lots of “smart” people who live miserable lives. Emotional Intelligence is a far more accurate indicator of both success and happiness.

Having world-class knowledge isn't the key to success, its world-class energy. Those who thrive are the ones who manage their energy levels effectively. That means b eing able to harness one's emotions in a positive direction. The best executives are those that display high levels of emotional intelligence and boundless energy .

The expression of j oy is a demonstration of effective emotional management.

Choosing Joy

As obvious and easy as “choosing joy” seems, it's much harder than it appears. Imagine a ruler with the pit of despair on one end and joyful bliss on the other. Given that choice, everyone would obviously want to be on the side of joy. For many, unfortunately, it just doesn't work out that way.

Many people have difficulty controling their moods and are thus controlled by them. Some "choose" to hang on to negative emotions and events far longer (or choose not to let go).Some love to play the "Drama Triangle." There's an epedemic of "victimitis" accompanied by "entitlement" in tody's world. There are also some who can't shake sadness and depression.

Many suffer from some level of chronic depression and find themselves on the wrong end of that scale. People can't seem to shake their gloom. Depression is all too common and these days, many resort to chemically induced mood-enhancement. The use of Prozac-type drugs is widespread, as is "self-medication" with alcohol and drugs (the anxiety-prone turn to depressants such as alcohol, while the depression-prone turn to stimulants such as cocaine).

Why do some of us struggle with joy? Consider the following…

Definitions of Success and Happiness:
Some people are destined for misery due to ill-conceived definitions of success and happiness.

We all strive for success. That's how we're wired. But some of us are so busy climbing we don't realize our ladder is leaning on the wrong wall. Once we better define success for ourselves, we can ensure we're living fully and building a better future through our efforts.

Ralph Waldo Emerson offered this terrific definition of success,

“To laugh much; to win respect of intelligent persons and the affections of children;
To earn the approbation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty; to find the best in others;
To give one's self; to leave the world a little better, whether by a healthy child,
a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;
To have played and laughed with enthusiasm, and sung with exultation;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived--this is to have succeeded."

That says it all. Thank you Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Inevitably, most of us eventually clue-in and realize that what we truly want is that elusive sense of well-being and contentment. Success, as many would define it (money, fame, status, etc.), and happiness are not the same thing.

Everybody wants to be happy. In some shape or form, everyone spends their lives chasing happiness. The things we do to try and get more happiness is what defines (or destroys) our lives.

Far too many people confuse pleasure with happiness. It's so easy to fall into the trap of chasing happiness down the pleasure path.

Nowadays, conspicuous consumption and the cult of hedonism are rampant. Our daily media bombardment encourages our self-indulgence every step of the way. Regrettably, a life of continually chasing pleasure can lead to a miserable existence.

Many people think that happiness is just a lottery win away. Actually, most lottery winners are broke, miserable, or dead within a year of their big win.

Helen Keller stated, “True happiness is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.” There's nothing wrong with making money so that you can have a decent life, but that alone is not a worthwhile purpose. We need a bigger game to play than that.

A servant's heart is essential to developing joy. The Chinese philosopher Chuang Tzu said, “You can never achieve happiness by trying to make yourself happy, but only by seeking to make others happy.” Excellent advice.

Many people are driven by the desire for shiny, new things – an obsession with always wanting more. “Obsessions with possessions” will not bring you lasting happiness.

Similarly, some compete socially for status. Keeping up appearances becomes a never-ending pursuit.

Once again, www.geekculture.com offers a humorous example:

Having an “attitude of gratitude” is what frees us from the empty pursuit of material gain. Being satisfied with less, we can then focus our passions and commitments towards worthwhile purposes. Our game can change from accumulating personal wealth, prestige, etc. to helping others in a significant way.

In the BE – DO – HAVE formula, many fall into the trap of DO-ing whatever they can to get to the perks of HAVE-ing all the things they covet. Unfortunately, no “thing” will ever give you lasting joy.

Joy is really about the BE part. And that includes being content with less and grateful for what you already have.

Modern Media:
It seems that modern life conspires to turn our moods negative. We live in a complex world and we're bombarded daily with negative news. We can feel burdened and a sense of powerlessness by the ongoing global issues. Contentment seems almost irresponsible.

Mull over another illustration from www.geekculture.com :

We may not talk like that at the dinner table, and yet we can feel conflicted over such issues.

The value of discontent:
Our society puts a lot of social pressure on us to align our moods with the general populace. And the general mood out there is rather negative. Those who are typically happy are often brushed off as “Polly-Annas.” Conversely, some wallow in negativity, and will gladly pull others down into their “pity party.”

There's a place for everything. The earlier comic of Mr. Positive is provocative because his perpetual smile, even after being fired, is almost irritating. It's hard to identify with such a one-sided display of humanity.

Angst is not a bad thing. Not every non-happy mood should be eliminated or medicated. The key is balance and the ability to bounce back.

Leaders, according to John Maxwell, are driven by “constructive discontent.” They want to change things (and/or people) for the better. They're pioneers taking us to new frontiers. Without the need for change, a leader isn't even needed.

Maxwell talks about “winners and whiners.” The difference, he says, is that winners are leaders – they step up and change things for the better. They're “constructive” in their discontent. Whiners also see the need for change, but they just complain about it.

“Creative tension” is driven by the twin forces of dissatisfaction about what exists, and excitement about the potential of what could be created. Take away the tension, and the drive to create disappears.

“Constructive discontent” is an essential requirement of a leader. The key word there is constructive. Many just complain about things. Too few take that initiative to step up and do something about it.