"There is only one-way in which one can endure man's inhumanity to man and that is to try, in one's own life, to exemplify man's humanity to man." -- Alan Paton

Common courtesy is not so common. Nowadays, the prevailing mindset is primarily oriented towards serving self. What was once common courtesy is now increasingly rare.

There's heightened levels of mistrust in every corner of society, and for good reason. People are taken advantage of and poor service has practically become the expected norm.

A sense of community and shared values has been lost. People are left struggling on their own. They adopt a protective self-serving approach, but this can eventually leaves them suspicious, disconnected, and unfulfilled. People long for a sense of community and connection. They long for respect.

The Golden Rule works at work. This simple rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” continues to be the foundation of any ethical, civil community. Yet, businesses that consistently demontrate courtesy and respect are difficult to find. As well, it's now harder to find and hire people with community conscious, team-oriented attitudes.

Business is built on courtesy and respect. Most businesses think that people buy their product because it's better or cheaper. Actually, people will buy from a business because of the likeability and trust factors. People buy us before they buy our services. That's why courtesy and respect are so essential.

We spend a lot of time working together each day, and it's vitally important that we get along the very best we can. Everyone wants to be treated well and have respect given to them. In job interviews, most potential new team members place respect as one of their highest priorities.

Respect can be particularly hard to come by, and the scarcity of this precious commodity is precisely why RYD can stand out as an oasis of respect and courtesy. That concept is a key part of our brand experience of “Elegant Dentistry.” Through filling other's near-empty cups, we fill our own to capacity, as well as helping to create a happy, thriving community-based business.

It's not always easy to be polite. We get so darned busy, and it's so easy to take each other for granted. It's almost easier to be polite to strangers because a new relationship is a fresh start with no history or pattern of taking someone for granted.

Skipping the courtesies with those closest to us is an all too easy habit to fall into. Yet, those whom we work with every day have much more power to make our lives miserable than a stranger ever could.

Respectfully serving. Here at RYD, we are service professionals, not servants. Respect is mutual and that's what builds healthy relationships. Treating each other with courtesy and respect is the key to a friendly, caring environment and a supportive, thriving team.

Winning together… A vital part of “Winning the Dental Game” is delivering excellent service to our guests. Yet before that takes place, we must first cultivate a warm, nurturing and caring atmosphere within our team. Dentistry itself can be serious and challenging, but that doesn't mean we have to be so serious. When we are enjoying ourselves, we can be far more productive and profitable.

Our relationships with each other must be healthy. This drives great service - team members who believe they have the respect and full support of their team have much more of themselves to give to our customers. Elegant, exquisite dentistry becomes possible.

At RYD we strive for a “team-first” philosophy. This means treating each other as well as, or better than our best customers. Yet, at the same time, not tolerating any performance less than excellence from each other. We continually train one another to be respectful, high-performance teammates. This involves engaging in compassionate revelation - or “carefrontation” - on a regular basis.

Give me a little respect… So, what can you do to ensure you get some respect? First off, are you that dependant on others for it? If you're chasing respect, you may have some issus with self-worth. Needing continual displays of approval and respect from others is a sign of dependency and character weakness. Self-respect must come first. Learn to give yourself whatever you most need and you've found new freedom.

That being said, gaining respect is still an important priority for most people. What are your options? Let's avoid the teenage gang tactic of carrying a big gun… There's 3 common ways - command it by your social presence, earn it by proving yourself worthy, and give it freely to others.

There are many people who try to command respect, and that often backfires. No one wants to listen to a self-aggrandizing blowhard build a case for themselves. We occasionally see this with our guests, who may treat us rudely and as though we are beneath them (waiters are often treated this way). They think we owe them respect simply because they patronize our facility.

Besides, everyone has different values and different priorities. A golfing nut will respect another accomplished golfer, but may readily dismiss non-golfers. For them, respect may be directly related to your golf prowess and membership at a swanky club. You may be a Ghandi or Mother Theresa, but you won't impress them without a decent golf handicap, so don't even try.

First earn it. Some people expect unconditional respect – that it's some how deserved before it's been earned. This sense of entitlement is prevalent today. The world doesn't dole out based upon need, it gives based upon deserve, if at all. And the world isn't very fair about who gets respect and who doesn't.

Earning respect is hard work. It's the difference between talking a good game and actually having one. Knowing it and saying it don't compare to doing it. Lip service and posturing won't command lasting respect. Respect comes more from demonstrated actions. Keep your promises and deliver the goods.

Ask yourself, what contributions are you making that will ensure you get the respect you deserve? Still, deserve or not, earning it offers no guarantee that you'll actually be given due respect. If you contribute for superficial reasons – for the sake of respect alone – you may be disappointed.

Givers get. Giving respect to others is the easiest and most effective of all strategies. It's a fundamental law of human nature that people will reciprocate back. The more you give, the more you get back. Make lifting up others a habit and you're likely to find that you'll soon enjoy the giving even more than the receiving.

That's what RYD has to be built upon, respecting co-workers and respecting our guests.

Be big about it. Maturity and professionalism are about how we behave, including when we feel we've been short-changed. Do we rant or pout? Do we hold a grudge – remaining stuck in an emotional moment? Do we reciprocate negatively and compound issues? It's a matter of engaging in professional norms rather than common social norms, and a professional team doesn't continually sink to grade-school behaviors.

Professionals explore upsets and issues with a solution-minded intention. Is that normal social behavior? Absolutely not, but that's how teams are built.

The “Nice Trap.” Many people are stuck in “nice.” They live by the Golden Rule and get along well with most everyone. Yet, courtesy and respect go beyond just being nice to each other. It's about having courageous, compassionate, authentic conversations that strengthen connections and build mutual respect. It's about “keeping it real” and nice people are somewhat reluctant to go there.

A nice person may be very likeable and caring, but if they don't convey the necessary confidence and competence, they might not garner much respect or credibility. Being nice is no substitute for being skilled.

As well, being overly-nice can invite exploitation – others taking advantage of them. It can lead to non-reciprocal servitude – to becoming a “doormat.” People tend to take advantage of those they see as meek and weak – even biting the hand that only seeks to help them.

Nice people give what they want back- they want others to like them and be nice to them.

The trouble with nice is that they fall into the don't-rock-the-boat syndrome. Their avoidance patterns diminish their authenticity and integrity. They're prone to denial – holding hands and sing campfire songs while the ship slowly sinks. They're also prone to passive-aggressive patterns – jumping from sweet to psycho when finally overwhelmed.

Being trapped in nice can lead to a habitual avoidance of truth-telling. They'll tolerate and accommodate others rather than truly helping them to grow and perform better.

Nce people tend to be “helpaholics.” It's an endearing trait of the amiable temperament. They like being needed and tend to cultivate co-dependency relationships whereby they fill the role of helping someone who is perpetually needy.

Suppressed healthy communication can also lead to unhealthy gossip channels and sniper tactics. Talking behind backs does not take any courage, and a polite veneer can mask covert viciousness (as in Mean Girls).

Why focus so much on the nice trap? The dental profession is oriented towards helping people and attracts more than its fair share of amiable temperaments whose modus operandi is being nice. These are wonderful people and they're capable of so much more if they can learn to stop playing the same nice note over and over. They've already mastered nice, and desperately need to expand their repertoire.

We be happy! When our guests observe us being kind and considerate toward each other, they perceive that our culture is healthy, that they're safe here, and that we'll take good care of them. They see us as people to be trusted – as people they are willing to buy from.

People will enjoy doing business with us when we're happy and helping them to be happy. As Dr. Paddi Lund from Australia claims, we're in the “Happiness Business.”

If our guests sense tension on our team, they'll feel uncomfortable and suspicious. When it doesn't feel congruent with the culture of the team, our service, even if excellent, will appear phony – as artificial showmanship.

Signs of a thriving culture based on courtesy and respect:

• People smile and laugh a lot.

• People don't complain much about conditions, wages, hours, service standards, etc.

• People are polite and they talk to each other in a friendly manner.

• People come in early and stay late – they like being there.

• People don't gossip and backbite.

• People continue to learn and grow.

• People stay a long time with your business.

For further information on Courtesy-Respect, visit the Advanced Team section and review articles 2-5.